when Asha died
For years wanted to say to you
the words that never came,
could feel them all
but could not shape them
to a vision one could see
A year ago, I drew a line
across calendar’s date,
by when it needed doing
24th Dec 2008,
a minute later is too late,
not much time left to get it right
so I must try tonight
I wreck my brain to find a start
and know now why it is hard
my thoughts of you are feelings,
as we never needed words
no need of language then,
were far too young to understand
and in the memory I have
we’re always close together
could hear your heart
and you heard mine
each move we did the other knew
just once we were together,
all three to grow as two new lives
when mother’s cell divided,
each of us to grew as one
forever linked,
be that in life or death, we’ll know
the other is our twin
plan or the cruelty of life
has that your organs failed
stay with it,
we have come through worse,
we’re not competing anymore,
we’re twins,
we both can make it through,
we got this far together
Your heart beats weaker than before
it’s now so weak, don’t feel it near
instead feel rush go through my head
one dying risks the other too
and the life of our mother
your silence tells of tired cells
without dividing, all will fail
I guess that’s what is happening
right next to me
you’re leaving
in drops of blood your only mark
our mother sees
she may not know
the sign to read,
her seeing you
as bleeding drops
without a name
my brain flooded with chemicals’
release your dying caused,
mother recovered sooner,
life in the balance for a while
‘til dice changed count
your cells break up,
absorbed or washed away in time,
no sign is left
you ever were about to be, as me,
becoming a new life
Part of me knows you were,
did feel you next to me
that long ago, as memory,
‘til now each day, as cells recall
your eyes, dear sister, coloured blue,
if you had chance to be,
your hair be thick and dark as mine,
your name, the best that I could find
oh, Asha, dear,
you’re always near,
your candle never lid
instead I do light flame tonight
in memory and think of you
as I miss you everyday
© Heinz Ross, Gold Coast, Australia
23 Dec 2008
